Child Custody Court Process

Understading The Custody Court Process

What to Expect When Going to Court for Custody

The custody court process is the legal procedure through which courts determine parenting arrangements when parents can’t agree. Whether you’re going through divorce or establishing custody as unmarried parents, understanding the process helps you prepare effectively and protect your parental rights.

Two Types of Custody Cases:

Contested Custody

Parents disagree on custody arrangements, requiring the judge to decide.

Characteristics:

• More time-consuming (6-18+ months)
• More expensive ($5,000-$50,000+)
• Multiple court appearances
• Formal evidence presentation
• Judge makes final determination

Common Reasons:

• Disagreement over custody type (sole vs. joint)
• Disputes about parenting time schedule
• Concerns about other parent’s fitness
• Relocation/move-away disputes
• Domestic violence allegations
• Substance abuse issues

Uncontested Custody

Parents agree on custody arrangements; court approves their agreement.

Characteristics:

• Much faster (2-4 months)
• Less expensive ($1,500-$5,000)
• Minimal court appearances
• No trial necessary
• Judge reviews and approves agreement

How It Works:

• Parents negotiate custody agreement
• Submit proposed parenting plan
• Brief court hearing for approval
• Judge signs order if in child’s best interest

Important: Even “friendly” custody cases require court approval. Courts must ensure arrangements serve the child’s best interests.

The Court’s Role:

Judges in custody cases must:

• Prioritize the child’s best interests (paramount consideration)
• Consider statutory factors specific to your state
• Evaluate evidence presented by both parents
• Determine custody type (legal and physical)
• Establish parenting schedule with specificity
• Address child support (usually simultaneously)
• Ensure orders are enforceable and clear

What Courts CANNOT Do:

Your Rights in Custody Court:

As a parent, you have the right to:

Timeline: How long does it take?

Typical Custody Case Duration

The length of your custody case depends on multiple factors, but here’s what to expect:

CONTESTED CASE TIMELINE: 6-18 MONTHS

VISUAL TIMELINE:

MONTH 1-2: Filing & Initial Response
├─ Week 1: File petition
├─ Week 2-3: Serve other parent
├─ Week 4-6: Other parent responds
└─ Week 6-8: Temporary hearing (if needed)

MONTH 2-4: Initial Procedures
├─ Parent education classes
├─ Mediation sessions
├─ Initial discovery requests
└─ Settlement discussions

MONTH 4-8: Case Development
├─ Custody evaluation (if ordered) - adds 3-6 months
├─ Depositions
├─ Document exchange
├─ Expert witnesses retained
└─ Evidence gathering

MONTH 8-12: Trial Preparation
├─ Pre-trial motions
├─ Settlement conferences
├─ Final discovery
├─ Witness preparation
└─ Trial scheduling

MONTH 12-18: Trial & Decision
├─ Custody trial (1-5 days typically)
├─ Post-trial briefs (sometimes)
├─ Judge's decision (2-8 weeks after trial)
└─ Final order issued

UNCONTESTED CASE TIMELINE: 2-4 MONTHS

MONTH 1: Filing & Agreement
├─ Week 1-2: Negotiate agreement
├─ Week 3: File agreed petition
└─ Week 4: Other parent files agreement

MONTH 2-3: Court Processing
├─ Parent education (if required)
├─ Court reviews paperwork
├─ Hearing scheduled
└─ Brief court appearance

MONTH 3-4: Finalization
├─ Prove-up hearing (15-30 minutes)
├─ Judge approves agreement
└─ Final order signed

Factors That Affect Timeline:

DELAYS (Add Time):

• Custody Evaluation Ordered: +3-6 months
• Domestic Violence Allegations: +2-4 months (requires investigation)
• Substance Abuse Testing: +1-3 months
• Multiple Continuances: +1-2 months per continuance
• Court Backlog: Varies by county (some courts have 12+ month wait for trial)
• Complex Issues: Relocation, interstate custody, special needs child
• Discovery Disputes: Motion practice adds time
• Expert Witnesses: Scheduling coordination
• Parent Uncooperative: Failing to respond, violating temporary orders

EXPEDITED (Faster):

• Both Parents Cooperative: Agreement possible earlier
• Emergency Situation: Expedited temporary hearing (days/weeks)
• Straightforward Facts: No complex issues
• Limited Assets: Less to determine
• Strong Settlement Focus: Mediation successful early
• Attorney-Represented: Both sides – moves more efficiently

Timeline by State (Average Contested Cases):

State	Average Timeline	Notes
California	12-18 months	Longer in large counties (LA, SF)
Texas	6-12 months	Faster in rural counties
Florida	9-15 months	Varies significantly by circuit
New York	12-24 months	NYC can be particularly lengthy
Pennsylvania	8-15 months	County dependent
Illinois	10-16 months	Cook County often longer
Ohio	8-14 months	Depends on county backlog

Emergency Custody Cases:

In true emergencies, courts can act quickly:

• Temporary Emergency Order: 24-72 hours
• Emergency Hearing: 1-2 weeks
• Ex Parte Order: Same day (without other parent present)

What Qualifies as Emergency:

• Immediate physical danger to child
• Parental abduction risk
• Ongoing abuse
• Severe neglect
• Medical emergency requiring decision

Estage 1: Pre-Filing Preparation

Getting Ready Before You File

The preparation you do before filing can significantly impact your case outcome. Don’t rush to file without proper preparation.

Pre-Filing Checklist:

1. Gather Essential Documents

Child-Related Documents:

• ☐ Birth certificates
• ☐ Social Security cards
• ☐ Medical records (last 2 years)
• ☐ School records and report cards
• ☐ Immunization records
• ☐ Extracurricular activity schedules
• ☐ Childcare provider information
• ☐ Therapist/counselor records (if applicable)

Parenting Documentation:

• ☐ Calendar showing your parenting time
• ☐ Photos of you with child (showing involvement)
• ☐ Communication logs with other parent
• ☐ Evidence of school involvement (emails with teachers, volunteering)
• ☐ Medical appointment records (who attended)
• ☐ Activity enrollment forms (who signed up child)
• ☐ Expense receipts (child-related purchases)

Financial Documents:

• ☐ Last 3 months pay stubs
• ☐ Last 2 years tax returns
• ☐ Bank statements (3-6 months)
• ☐ Childcare expense records
• ☐ Health insurance information
• ☐ Child support calculations (if applicable)

Housing Documentation:

• ☐ Lease or mortgage documents
• ☐ Proof of stable housing
• ☐ Photos of child’s room/space in your home
• ☐ Utility bills (proof of residence)

Evidence of Concerns (if applicable):

• ☐ Police reports (domestic violence, criminal activity)
• ☐ Protective orders
• ☐ CPS/DCFS reports
• ☐ Substance abuse records
• ☐ Witness statements
• ☐ Photos/videos of concerning behavior
• ☐ Text messages/emails showing issues

2. Establish Stable Environment

Before filing, ensure you have:

✓ Appropriate Housing:

• Adequate space for child
• Safe neighborhood
• Child has own bed/sleeping space
• Childproofed if young child

✓ Employment Stability:

• Steady income
• Manageable work schedule
• Childcare plan during work hours
• Flexibility for child’s needs

✓ Support System:

• Family/friends nearby
• Emergency backup childcare
• References who can testify to parenting

✓ Clean Record:

• No pending criminal charges
• Address any substance abuse issues
• Clean drug test results (get tested voluntarily)
• Attend therapy if mental health concerns

3. Document Your Involvement

Start now – create evidence of your parenting:

Daily Involvement Log: Keep detailed records showing:

• Mornings: Who gets child ready, makes breakfast, takes to school
• Afternoons: Who picks up, helps with homework, arranges activities
• Evenings: Who makes dinner, does bedtime routine
• Medical: Who schedules appointments, attends visits
• School: Who attends conferences, helps with projects
• Activities: Who takes to sports/music/etc.

Communication Log: Document all interactions with other parent:

• Date and time
• Method (text, email, phone, in-person)
• Topic discussed
• Tone (cooperative vs. hostile)
• Any concerning statements

Photo/Video Evidence:

• You engaging in activities with child
• Child happy and thriving in your care
• Your home environment
• School/activity attendance
• Holiday celebrations
• Daily routines

4. Consider Trying to Settle First

Before filing contested case, attempt:

Informal Negotiation:

• Discuss custody with other parent calmly
• Propose specific parenting plan
• Put agreements in writing
• Consider what compromises you can make

Mediation:

• Hire private mediator
• Less expensive than litigation
• Faster resolution
• You control outcome (not judge)
• Can still file if unsuccessful

Collaborative Law:

• Each parent has attorney
• Agree not to go to court
• Work together to find solution
• Specialists involved as needed

Benefits of Settling:

5. Consult with Attorney

Before filing, get legal advice:

Initial Consultation Should Cover:

• Your state’s custody laws and factors
• Realistic assessment of your case
• Strengths and weaknesses
• Evidence needed
• Expected timeline and costs
• Strategy recommendations
• Whether to hire attorney or proceed pro se

Questions to Ask Attorney:

1. What evidence do I need to strengthen my case?
2. What are the weak points in my case?
3. What will this cost (total estimated)?
4. What’s the timeline in our county?
5. Should I file now or wait?
6. Can we settle this without court?

6. Know Your State’s Specific Requirements

Research before filing:

• ☐ Residency requirements (have you met them?)
• ☐ Mandatory mediation (required before trial?)
• ☐ Parent education classes (when must you complete?)
• ☐ Filing fees (how much? waiver available?)
• ☐ Specific forms required in your county
• ☐ Local rules (each county may have additional requirements)

7. Prepare Emotionally and Financially

Custody litigation is difficult. Prepare for:

Emotional Preparation:

• This will be stressful and take months
• Your parenting will be scrutinized
• Private matters become public record
• You’ll hear difficult things about yourself
• Children may be affected
• Consider therapist/counselor for support

Financial Preparation:

• Attorney fees: $5,000-$50,000+ (contested)
• Filing fees: $200-$400
• Service of process: $50-$150
• Custody evaluation: $2,000-$10,000 (if ordered)
• Expert witnesses: $2,000-$5,000+ each
• Mediation: $200-$500 per session
• Lost wages for court appearances

Budget accordingly and understand total potential cost.

Stage 2 Filing Your Custody

How to File for Custody

Once prepared, you’re ready to initiate the court process by filing your petition.

Required Documents:

1. Petition for Custody

What It Is: The legal document that starts your case, telling the court what custody arrangement you’re requesting.

What to Include:

• Your name, address, contact information
• Other parent’s name, address, contact information
• Child(ren)’s names, ages, dates of birth
• Current custody arrangement (if any)
• Requested custody type (legal/physical, sole/joint)
• Proposed parenting time schedule
• Why your requested arrangement is in child’s best interest
• Any special circumstances (DV, substance abuse, relocation)

Sample Structure:

1. PARTIES
   Petitioner: [Your name and information]
   Respondent: [Other parent's information]

2. CHILDREN
   Name: [Child's name], DOB: [Date], Age: [X]
   [Repeat for each child]

3. JURISDICTION
   [State why this court has jurisdiction]

4. CURRENT CUSTODY
   [Describe current living arrangement]

5. REQUESTED CUSTODY
   A. Legal Custody: [What you want]
   B. Physical Custody: [What you want]
   C. Parenting Time: [Proposed schedule]

6. REASONS/BEST INTEREST
   [Why your request is best for child]

7. RELIEF REQUESTED
   [Specifically what you want court to order]

Tip: Be specific but avoid emotional language. Stick to facts.

2. Parenting Plan (Some States Require)

What It Is: Detailed document outlining how parenting time and decisions will be handled.

Must Address:

• Regular schedule (weekdays, weekends)
• Holiday schedule (which parent gets which holidays)
• Vacation time (how scheduled, how much notice)
• Decision-making authority (medical, education, religious, extracurricular)
• Exchange locations and times
• Transportation arrangements
• Communication between parent and child
• Dispute resolution method

Example Schedule:

REGULAR SCHEDULE:
Mother: Mondays and Tuesdays after school until Wednesday 8am
        Every other weekend Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm
Father: Wednesdays after school until Friday 8am
        Alternate weekends Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm

HOLIDAYS:
Mother: Odd years - Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve
        Even years - Christmas Day, Spring Break
Father: Even years - Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve
        Odd years - Christmas Day, Spring Break

SUMMER: Each parent gets 2 weeks consecutive with 60 days notice

3. Financial Declaration / Affidavit

What It Is: Statement of income, expenses, and financial information.

Required Information:

• Gross monthly income (all sources)
• Payroll deductions
• Monthly expenses
• Child-related expenses (childcare, medical, activities)
• Health insurance costs
• Assets and debts

Why It’s Required: Courts need this to calculate child support, which usually accompanies custody orders.

4. Child Support Worksheets

Most states require:

• State-specific calculation form
• Shows both parents’ income
• Applies state guidelines
• Calculates presumptive support amount

📊 Calculate Estimated Support: [Use Child Support Calculator →]

5. Additional Forms (State-Specific)

May also need:

• ☐ Summons (notifies other parent of lawsuit)
• ☐ Confidential information sheet (children’s details)
• ☐ Declaration under UCCJEA (jurisdiction statement)
• ☐ Local court forms (check county requirements)
• ☐ Notice of hearing (if requesting temporary orders)
• ☐ Proposed order (what you want judge to sign)

Where to File:

Proper Venue: File in the county where:

• Child currently resides (most common)
• Child lived for past 6 months (home state)
• One parent resides (if child recently moved)

Court Location:

• Family Court (some states)
• Superior Court – Family Division
• Circuit Court – Family Law
• Domestic Relations Court
• Check your county’s court website

Tip: Call the court clerk if unsure where to file. They can direct you to the correct location and division.

Filing Process:

Step-by-Step:

1. Complete All Forms
   • Fill out thoroughly and accurately
   • Type or print neatly in black ink
   • Sign where required
   • Make copies (3-4 sets): court, you, other parent, attorney if applicable
2. File with Court Clerk
   • Bring originals and copies to courthouse
   • Go to Family Law filing window
   • Clerk will review for completeness
   • Pay filing fee
3. Pay Filing Fee
   • Typical range: $150-$400
   • Varies by state and county
   • Cash, check, or money order (call ahead for accepted payment)
   • Credit card (some courts, may have fee)
4. Get Case Number
   • Clerk assigns case number
   • Write this on all future documents
   • Keep in safe place
5. Get Stamped Copies
   • Clerk stamps “filed” with date
   • Get certified copies if needed (small fee)
   • These prove documents were filed

Filing Fee Waiver:

Can’t afford filing fee? Most courts allow fee waiver if:

• Income below poverty line
• Receiving public assistance
• Would create hardship

To Request:

• Complete fee waiver application
• Provide proof of income/assistance
• Submit with petition
• Judge approves or denies

After Filing:

You’ll receive:

• Case number
• Stamped copy of filed documents
• Summons (to serve other parent)
• Sometimes hearing date (temporary orders)

Your responsibilities:

• Serve other parent (next step)
• Attend all hearings
• Comply with court orders
• Continue gathering evidence

Stage 3: Service of Process

Notifying the Other Parent

After filing, you must legally notify the other parent. This is called “service of process.”

Why Service is Required:

Constitutional right to due process means:

• Other parent must receive actual notice
• Must have opportunity to respond
• Court cannot proceed without proper service
• Protects against “secret” court orders

You Cannot:

• Serve papers yourself
• Hide the court case from other parent
• Proceed without service
• Assume other parent knows about filing

Methods of Service:

1. Personal Service (Most Common)

How It Works:

• Sheriff or professional process server delivers papers in person
• Hands papers directly to other parent
• Other parent doesn’t have to “accept” (can be left with them)
• Server completes affidavit of service

Cost: $50-$150 Timing: Usually within 2-4 weeks Best For: Most situations

2. Service by Mail (Some States Allow)

Requirements:

• Certified mail, return receipt requested
• Restricted delivery (only other parent can sign)
• Other parent must sign for envelope
• Return receipt proves service

Cost: ~$10 Timing: 1-3 weeks Best For: Cooperative situations

Warning: Not all states allow this method for initial service

3. Substitute Service

When Used: Other parent is avoiding service or can’t be located

Options:

• Service on another adult at their home
• Service at their workplace
• Posting on their door + mailing
• Service via adult family member

Requirements:

• Must try personal service multiple times first
• Must file declaration showing diligent effort
• Court must approve method

4. Service by Publication

When Used: Other parent’s location completely unknown despite diligent search

How It Works:

• Publish legal notice in newspaper
• Usually must run 3-4 weeks
• In county where other parent last known to reside
• Also post at courthouse

Requirements:

• File declaration of diligent search showing:
  • Checked last known address
  • Asked family members
  • Searched online databases
  • Checked with employers
  • Other reasonable efforts
• Court must approve publication
• Expensive ($300-$800)

Limitation: Service by publication may limit court’s jurisdiction over other parent

What Gets Served:

Documents that must be served:

• ☐ Summons
• ☐ Petition for custody
• ☐ Financial declaration
• ☐ Child support worksheets
• ☐ Blank response forms
• ☐ Any other filed documents

Proof of Service:

Server Must Complete:

• Proof/Affidavit of Service form
• Details: who, when, where, how served
• Server signs under penalty of perjury
• Notarized (usually)

You Must:

• File proof of service with court
• File within required timeframe (check local rules)
• Keep copy for your records

Until filed: Court cannot proceed

What If Other Parent Can’t Be Found?

Your Options:

1. Hire Skip Tracer:
   • Professional locator service
   • Searches databases
   • $100-$500
   • Often successful
2. Search Public Records:
   • Voter registration
   • Property records
   • DMV records (with court order)
   • Court records
3. Online People Search:
   • Social media (Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram)
   • Public records websites
   • Employer searches
4. Ask Family/Friends:
   • Contact last known associates
   • Document attempts
5. Service by Publication:
   • Last resort
   • After diligent search
   • With court approval

Tip: Document every attempt to locate. You’ll need to prove diligent search if seeking alternative service.

Response Deadline:

After service, other parent has limited time to respond:

• 20-30 days: Most common
• Varies by state
• Count from date served (not filed)

If no response, you may be able to request default judgment.

Stage 4: Response Period

What Happens After Other Parent is Served

After the other parent is served, they have options for how to respond.

Other Parent’s Options:

Option 1: Agree and File Consent

Best Case Scenario:

• Other parent agrees with your petition
• Files written agreement/consent
• Case becomes uncontested
• Moves to quick resolution

What Happens:

• Court schedules brief hearing
• Both parents appear
• Judge reviews agreement
• If appropriate, judge signs order
• Case resolved in 2-4 months total

Option 2: File Response Agreeing in Part

Compromise Scenario:

• Other parent files response
• Agrees with some requests
• Disagrees with others
• Proposes alternative arrangements

What Happens:

• Case proceeds on disputed issues only
• Mediation usually required
• May settle remaining issues
• If not, limited trial on disputes

Option 3: File Response Opposing

Contested Scenario:

• Other parent disagrees with petition
• Files detailed response/answer
• May file counter-petition
• Requests different custody arrangement

Response May Include:

• Denial of allegations
• Affirmative defenses
• Counter-allegations
• Counter-request for custody
• Request for attorney fees

What Happens:

• Full contested case proceeds
• Discovery phase begins
• Mediation required
• Potentially heads to trial

Option 4: No Response (Default)

If other parent does nothing:

• Deadline passes with no response
• You can request default judgment
• Court may grant your requests
• Other parent loses right to contest (initially)

Default Process:

1. Wait until response deadline passes
2. File request for default
3. Provide proof of proper service
4. File declaration of facts
5. Court schedules default hearing
6. Judge reviews your evidence
7. If appropriate, grants default order

Important: Even in default, you must prove your requests are in child’s best interest. Judge won’t automatically grant everything you ask.

Other Parent Can:

• File motion to set aside default (within time limits)
• Must show good cause for not responding
• May get second chance

Counter-Petition:

Other parent may file counter-petition requesting:

• Different custody arrangement
• More parenting time than you proposed
• Sole custody if you requested joint
• Relocation permission
• Restrictions on your parenting time

You Must Respond:

• Same deadline applies to you
• File response to counter-petition
• Address their allegations
• Present your evidence

Stage 5: Temporary Orders Hearing

Emergency and Temporary Custody Orders

While your case is pending (which can take 12-18 months), the court can establish temporary arrangements.

Purpose of Temporary Orders:

• Establish custody during case
• Create parenting schedule until final order
• Address immediate concerns
• Maintain status quo or change dangerous situations
• Set temporary child support

Critical: Temporary orders often become permanent. Courts prefer to maintain stability, so whatever temporary arrangement is working usually continues.

When to Request Temporary Orders:

Request Immediately If:

• Child is in dangerous situation
• Other parent is withholding child
• No established custody arrangement exists
• Current situation is unstable
• Financial support is needed immediately

May Wait If:

• Current arrangement is working
• Both parents cooperating
• Child is safe and stable
• No urgent need for court intervention

Two Types of Temporary Hearings:

1. Ex Parte Hearing (Emergency)

What It Is: Court hearing without the other parent present

When Allowed:

• True emergency requiring immediate action
• Immediate danger to child
• Parental abduction risk
• Ongoing abuse

Process:

• File emergency motion
• Provide declaration of emergency facts
• Judge reviews immediately (24-72 hours)
• May issue temporary order without other parent
• Follow-up hearing scheduled with both parents (7-14 days)

Standard is HIGH: Must show immediate, irreparable harm

2. Regular Temporary Orders Hearing

What It Is: Scheduled hearing with both parents present

Timeline:

• Motion filed requesting temporary orders
• Hearing scheduled (2-6 weeks out)
• Both parties notified
• Both appear and present arguments
• Judge issues temporary order

What to Include in Temporary Orders Motion:

Your motion should request:

1. Temporary Legal Custody:
   • Who makes major decisions during case
   • Joint or sole
   • Specific areas if splitting authority
2. Temporary Physical Custody:
   • Where child lives primarily
   • Proposed schedule
3. Temporary Parenting Time:
   • Detailed schedule
   • Exchange locations
   • Holiday provisions
4. Temporary Child Support:
   • Calculated per state guidelines
   • Who pays what expenses
5. Temporary Restraining Orders (if needed):
   • No child removal from jurisdiction
   • No disparaging other parent to child
   • Stay away orders (if DV)
   • Drug/alcohol testing
6. Other Temporary Relief:
   • Attorney fees
   • Custody evaluation
   • Status quo orders

Supporting Declaration:

Must file declaration explaining:

• Current living situation
• Your involvement with child
• Child’s routine and needs
• Why your proposed arrangement is best
• Any concerns about other parent
• Specific facts supporting each request

Declaration Tips:

• ✓ Stick to facts, not opinions
• ✓ Be specific (dates, times, examples)
• ✓ Focus on child’s needs
• ✓ Provide evidence supporting statements
• ✓ Remain calm and professional in tone
• ✗ Don’t be emotional or dramatic
• ✗ Don’t bash other parent excessively
• ✗ Don’t exaggerate

At the Temporary Orders Hearing:

What to Expect:

Format:

• Shorter than trial (30 minutes – 2 hours)
• Less formal than trial
• Usually no witnesses
• Based primarily on declarations
• Both parents may make brief statements
• Judge may ask questions

What Happens:

1. Hearing called
2. Your attorney (or you) presents your requests
3. Explains why temporary orders needed
4. References declaration evidence
5. Other parent (or their attorney) responds
6. Disputes your requests
7. Presents their counter-proposal
8. You may briefly respond to their arguments
9. Judge asks questions
10. Judge makes ruling (sometimes takes under submission)

Standards:

Judge considers:

• Best interests of child
• Status quo (what’s been happening)
• Each parent’s living situation
• Child’s needs and schedule
• Any safety concerns
• Practical logistics

Burden lower than final trial – doesn’t need as much proof

Possible Outcomes:

1. Court Grants Your Requests:

• Judge issues temporary order with your proposed arrangements
• In effect until final order

2. Court Grants Other Parent’s Requests:

• Judge prefers other parent’s proposal
• Their temporary arrangement ordered

3. Court Creates Hybrid:

• Judge takes parts of each proposal
• Creates different arrangement
• May not be exactly what either wanted

4. Court Continues Hearing:

• Judge needs more information
• Orders investigation, evaluation
• Maintains current situation temporarily
• Schedules follow-up hearing

Temporary Order Contents:

Order will specify:

• Legal custody arrangement (temporary)
• Physical custody/primary residence
• Detailed parenting time schedule
• Holiday and vacation provisions
• Exchange locations and times
• Decision-making authority
• Child support amount and payor
• Any special conditions
• Duration (“until further order of court”)

Living with Temporary Orders:

Critical Points:

✓ Follow Orders Exactly:

• Adhere to schedule precisely
• Meet exchange times and locations
• Comply with all provisions
• Document any violations by other parent

✓ Document Everything:

• Keep calendar of parenting time
• Note any deviations
• Save all communications
• Record expenses

✓ Don’t Violate:

• Violating temporary orders hurts final case
• Shows you won’t follow court orders
• Can result in contempt
• May lead to less favorable final orders

✓ Can Be Modified:

• If circumstances change substantially
• File motion to modify temporary orders
• Same process as obtaining them

Remember: Judges often adopt temporary arrangements permanently if they’re working

Stage 6: Mandatoy Programs

Required Classes and Mediation

Most courts require parents to complete certain programs before proceeding to trial.

Parent Education Classes

What They Are:

Court-mandated classes teaching parents how to minimize children’s stress during custody disputes.

Typical Requirements:

• Duration: 4-6 hours (some states 2 hours, others 8)
• Format: In-person or online
• Cost: $25-$75
• Deadline: Within 30-60 days of filing (varies by state)

Topics Covered:

• Effects of parental conflict on children
• Age-appropriate reactions to divorce/separation
• Communication with children about custody
• Successful co-parenting strategies
• Managing conflict around children
• Supporting children’s relationships with both parents
• Warning signs of child distress

What You’ll Learn:

• How to shield children from parental conflict
• Effective co-parenting communication
• Developmental needs of children by age
• Creating consistency between households
• Managing exchanges peacefully
• Recognizing when children need professional help

Completion:

• Certificate issued at end
• Must file certificate with court
• Case cannot proceed to trial without certificate
• Both parents must complete (separately)

Mediation

What It Is: Structured negotiation process with neutral third party (mediator) helping parents reach agreement.

When Required:

• Most states require mediation before trial
• Usually after initial response filed
• Before significant court resources used
• May be voluntary in some states

Types of Mediation:

1. Court-Ordered Mediation

Characteristics:

• Required by court
• Often provided by court at low/no cost
• Mediator appointed by court
• Usually 1-3 sessions
• Focuses on custody and parenting time (not money)

Process:

• Court orders mediation
• Parents contact mediator
• Schedule session(s)
• Attend mediation
• If successful, agreement drafted
• If unsuccessful, mediator reports to court (sometimes)

2. Private Mediation

Characteristics:

• Parents choose mediator
• Parents pay fees ($150-$400/hour)
• More sessions available
• Can address all issues (custody, support, property)
• More flexible scheduling

Benefits:

• Choose experienced mediator in custody
• More time to resolve issues
• Greater flexibility
• Confidential
• Can discuss financial issues too

The Mediation Process:

Before Mediation:

• Complete any required paperwork
• Prepare list of concerns and goals
• Review state’s custody factors
• Think about what’s truly important vs. negotiable
• Consider child’s schedule and needs

During Mediation:

Opening Session:

• Mediator explains process and rules
• Each parent briefly states position
• Mediator identifies issues to resolve
• Sets agenda

Negotiation:

• Mediator facilitates discussion
• Each parent proposes solutions
• Mediator asks questions, reality checks
• Caucus (private sessions with each parent) if needed
• Creative problem-solving
• Focus on interests, not positions

Agreement (if reached):

• Mediator drafts agreement
• Both parents review
• Sign agreement
• Submit to court for approval

Session Length: 2-4 hours (sometimes longer) Number of Sessions: 1-4 typical

What’s Discussed in Mediation:

Legal Custody:

• Joint vs. sole
• Major decision categories
• Tie-breaking mechanisms

Physical Custody:

• Primary residence
• Parenting time schedule
• Weekday/weekend division
• Holiday rotation
• Vacation time
• Summer schedule

Parenting Plan Details:

• Exchange locations
• Transportation responsibilities
• Communication (calls/video with child)
• Right of first refusal
• Activity decisions
• School and medical communication

Child Support:

• Calculation
• Payment method
• Additional expenses
• Health insurance

Mediation Ground Rules:

Both Parents Must:

• ✓ Participate in good faith
• ✓ Be honest and forthcoming
• ✓ Focus on child’s best interests
• ✓ Listen to other parent
• ✓ Consider compromise
• ✓ Respect mediator’s role
• ✗ Attack or belittle other parent
• ✗ Interrupt constantly
• ✗ Make ultimatums
• ✗ Refuse to negotiate

Confidentiality:

What’s confidential:

• Discussions during mediation
• Offers made
• Concessions considered
• Mediator’s opinions

Cannot be used in court:

• “You offered X in mediation”
• “Mediator said you were wrong”
• Statements made during mediation

Exceptions:

• Agreement reached (not confidential)
• Child abuse disclosures
• Threats of harm
• Mediator may report impasse to court (no details)

If Mediation Successful:

If Mediation Unsuccessful:

• Mediator files report with court (stating impasse, usually no details)
• Case proceeds toward trial
• Discovery continues
• Settlement still possible before trial
• May try mediation again later

Partial Agreement: Even if can’t agree on everything, agreeing on some issues:

• Narrows what judge must decide
• Saves time at trial
• Shows good faith

Mediation Tips:

✓ Do:

• Come prepared with realistic proposal
• Focus on children’s needs
• Be willing to compromise
• Listen to mediator’s feedback
• Consider creative solutions
• Think long-term

✗ Don’t:

• Make it about “winning”
• Focus on past wrongs
• Be completely inflexible
• Use mediation to punish other parent
• Refuse to negotiate
• Make agreements you won’t keep

Domestic Violence Exception:

If there’s domestic violence:

• Mediation may not be required
• Caucus mediation (separate rooms) available
• Victim not required to face abuser
• Some states exempt DV cases entirely
• Can request accommodation

Request:

• Separate session times
• Video mediation
• Support person present
• Mediator trained in DV dynamics

Stage 7: Discovery Process

Gathering Evidence and Information

Discovery is the formal process of exchanging information and gathering evidence for your case.

Purpose of Discovery:

• Learn facts about other parent’s case
• Obtain documents and evidence
• Identify witnesses
• Assess strengths/weaknesses
• Prepare for trial
• Encourage settlement (when evidence is clear)

Types of Discovery:

1. Interrogatories

What They Are: Written questions other parent must answer under oath

Typical Questions:

• Describe your employment and income
• List all addresses where you’ve lived in past 5 years
• Name all people who’ve lived with you
• Describe your daily routine with children
• List all criminal convictions
• Identify all witnesses you plan to call
• Describe any substance abuse history
• Detail child’s medical issues and treatment

Rules:

• Usually limited number (25-40 questions depending on state)
• Must answer within 30 days
• Answers under oath
• Can object to irrelevant questions

How to Use:

• Ask about specific facts you need
• Lock other parent into story
• Gather names of witnesses
• Obtain admissions

2. Requests for Production of Documents

What They Are: Formal requests for other parent to provide documents

Common Requests:

• Employment records, pay stubs, tax returns
• Bank statements
• Credit card statements (showing purchases)
• Medical records (parent and/or child)
• School records
• Police reports
• Text messages/emails about children
• Photos/videos
• Therapy/counseling records
• Substance abuse treatment records
• Criminal records
• Prior custody orders

Rules:

• Must be relevant to case
• Must produce within 30 days
• Can object to privileged documents
• Must state under oath that production is complete

3. Requests for Admissions

What They Are: Statements other parent must admit or deny under oath

Examples:

• “Admit you were arrested for DUI on June 15, 2023”
• “Admit you did not attend child’s school conferences in 2024”
• “Admit you consume alcohol daily”
• “Admit child has lived primarily with Petitioner for past 3 years”

Strategy:

• Establish uncontested facts
• If not denied within 30 days, deemed admitted
• Narrows issues for trial
• Can be powerful at settlement

4. Depositions

What They Are: Oral testimony under oath, recorded by court reporter, before trial

Who Gets Deposed:

• Other parent (most common)
• Witnesses (therapists, teachers, family members)
• Experts (custody evaluators)

Process:

1. Attorney schedules deposition
2. Witness subpoenaed (if necessary)
3. Meet at attorney’s office
4. Court reporter swears in witness
5. Attorney asks questions
6. Witness answers under oath
7. Court reporter transcribes
8. Witness reviews and signs transcript

Length: 2-8 hours typical

Purpose:

• Lock witness into testimony
• Assess how witness will present at trial
• Gather information
• Evaluate credibility
• Impeach witness at trial if story changes

If You’re Deposed:

Do:

• ✓ Tell the truth
• ✓ Listen carefully to questions
• ✓ Answer only what’s asked
• ✓ Say “I don’t know” if you don’t
• ✓ Take time to think before answering
• ✓ Review documents before answering
• ✓ Dress professionally
• ✓ Stay calm

Don’t:

• ✗ Volunteer information
• ✗ Guess or speculate
• ✗ Get angry or argumentative
• ✗ Try to explain everything
• ✗ Argue with attorney
• ✗ Lie or exaggerate

Preparation:

• Meet with your attorney beforehand
• Review your declarations
• Review key documents
• Practice difficult questions
• Understand objection process

5. Subpoenas

What They Are: Legal commands to produce documents or testify

Types:

Subpoena Duces Tecum:

• Requires production of documents
• Served on third parties (schools, doctors, employers)
• Must comply or face contempt

Subpoena for Testimony:

• Requires person to testify
• At deposition or trial
• Witness fees paid

Common Targets:

• Schools (records, teachers to testify)
• Doctors (medical records, testimony)
• Therapists (treatment records, with limits)
• Employers (employment/income verification)
• Police departments (reports)
• CPS/DCFS (investigation records)

Discovery Timeline:

Typical Schedule:

MONTHS 2-4: Initial Discovery
├─ Interrogatories sent
├─ Document requests sent
├─ 30 days to respond
└─ Responses reviewed

MONTHS 4-6: Follow-Up Discovery
├─ Additional document requests
├─ Requests for admissions
├─ Subpoenas to third parties
└─ Depositions scheduled

MONTHS 6-8: Depositions
├─ Parties deposed
├─ Key witnesses deposed
├─ Expert deposed (if any)
└─ Review transcripts

MONTHS 8-10: Final Discovery
├─ Any remaining production
├─ Updated financial declarations
├─ Final document exchanges
└─ Discovery cutoff (set by court)

Discovery Cutoff: Court sets deadline after which no more discovery without permission

Discovery Disputes:

Common Problems:

1. Other Parent Not Responding:
   • Send meet and confer letter
   • Give reasonable additional time
   • File motion to compel
   • Court orders compliance
   • May order sanctions (attorney fees)
2. Incomplete or Evasive Responses:
   • Object and request supplementation
   • Meet and confer
   • Motion to compel complete answers
   • Court can order further responses
3. Objections to Discovery:
   • Other parent objects (privilege, irrelevant, etc.)
   • Must state specific grounds
   • You can file motion to overrule objection
   • Judge decides

Using Discovery at Trial:

Discovery helps trial preparation:

Interrogatory Answers:

• Lock other parent into facts
• Impeach if trial testimony differs
• “Isn’t it true you stated in interrogatories that…”

Documents:

• Admitted as exhibits
• Show income, expenses, lifestyle
• Prove or disprove allegations
• Text messages showing communication issues

Deposition Transcripts:

• Use if witness unavailable
• Impeach if testimony changes
• “In your deposition you said X, but today you said Y”

Cost of Discovery:

Expenses:

• Court reporter for depositions: $500-$1,500 per deposition
• Transcript copies: $3-$5 per page
• Subpoena fees: $50-$150 each
• Witness fees: $35-$150 per day
• Document copying: varies
• Attorney time: Significant

Total: $2,000-$10,000+ depending on complexity

Discovery Tips:

For Your Discovery:

• ✓ Be thorough but focused
• ✓ Request genuinely relevant documents
• ✓ Follow up on incomplete answers
• ✓ Meet deadlines
• ✓ Preserve evidence

Responding to Discovery:

• ✓ Answer truthfully and completely
• ✓ Meet deadlines (or request extension)
• ✓ Organize production clearly
• ✓ Keep copies of everything you produce
• ✓ Object appropriately (not to avoid answering)

Stage 8: Custody Evaluation (If Ordered)

Professional Assessment of Custody Factors

In complex or contentious cases, courts may order a professional custody evaluation.

What Is a Custody Evaluation?

Definition: Comprehensive assessment by mental health professional (psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist) to help court determine custody arrangement in child’s best interest.

Who Orders It:

• Judge orders evaluation
• Either parent can request
• Judge can order sua sponte (on their own)

When Ordered:

• High-conflict cases
• Significant disagreement on child’s best interest
• Allegations of abuse, neglect, substance abuse
• Mental health concerns
• Parental alienation allegations
• Relocation disputes
• Neither parent clearly better suited
• Child has special needs

This is NOT therapy – Evaluator is neutral investigator, not treating clinician

Types of Evaluations:

1. Full Custody Evaluation

Most comprehensive:

• Interviews both parents (multiple sessions)
• Interviews child(ren)
• Psychological testing (parents, sometimes child)
• Home visits to both parents
• Collateral interviews (teachers, doctors, family)
• Document review
• Written report with recommendations

Cost: $3,000-$10,000+ Timeline: 3-6 months Most Common

2. Focused Evaluation

Limited scope:

• Addresses specific issue only
• Example: substance abuse evaluation
• Example: parenting capacity assessment
• Fewer interviews
• Targeted testing

Cost: $1,500-$5,000 Timeline: 6-12 weeks

3. Parenting Plan Assessment

Evaluates proposed schedules:

• Reviews competing parenting plans
• Assesses developmentally appropriate schedules
• Considers logistics and practicality
• Less comprehensive than full evaluation

Cost: $2,000-$5,000 Timeline: 6-10 weeks

The Evaluation Process:

Step 1: Evaluator Appointed

• Court orders evaluation
• Appoints specific evaluator OR allows parties to agree on one
• Sets scope of evaluation
• Allocates costs (50/50, or based on income, or one party pays)

Step 2: Initial Contact

• Evaluator contacts both parents
• Explains process and timeline
• Schedules appointments
• Provides intake forms
• Discusses fees and payment

Intake Paperwork: You’ll complete:

• Detailed personal history
• Parenting history
• Medical/mental health history
• Substance use history
• Family relationships
• Concerns about other parent
• What you’re requesting and why

Step 3: Parent Interviews

What Happens:

• 2-4 hours per parent (sometimes multiple sessions)
• Evaluator asks about:
  • Your background and history
  • Parenting practices
  • Relationship with child
  • Daily routines with child
  • Strengths and weaknesses as parent
  • Relationship with other parent
  • Concerns about other parent
  • What custody you want and why

Be Prepared to Discuss:

• Your childhood and upbringing
• Mental health history
• Substance use (past and present)
• Relationship history
• Criminal history
• Discipline practices
• Child’s needs and your ability to meet them

Interview Tips:

✓ Do:

• Be honest
• Stay calm and cooperative
• Focus on child’s needs
• Give specific examples
• Admit areas for improvement
• Show insight into child’s perspective
• Demonstrate flexibility

✗ Don’t:

• Bash other parent excessively
• Be defensive or hostile
• Minimize your issues
• Exaggerate other parent’s problems
• Try to manipulate evaluation
• Be vague or evasive
• Focus only on your rights vs. child’s needs

Step 4: Psychological Testing

Common Tests:

For Parents:

• MMPI-2 (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory):
  • 567 true/false questions
  • Assesses personality and psychopathology
  • Most common custody eval test
  • Takes 60-90 minutes
• PAI (Personality Assessment Inventory):
  • Alternative to MMPI
  • 344 questions
  • Assesses personality and clinical issues
• Rorschach or other projective tests:
  • Less common in custody evals
  • Evaluator discretion
• Parenting Stress Index:
  • Measures stress in parent-child relationship
  • Identifies risk factors

For Children (sometimes):

• Age-appropriate intelligence testing
• Behavioral assessments
• Projective tests
• Academic achievement tests (if relevant)

Testing Purpose:

• Identify mental health concerns
• Assess parenting capacity
• Identify risk factors
• Evaluate emotional stability
• Detect psychopathology

Be Honest: Tests have validity scales detecting dishonesty or exaggeration

Step 5: Child Interviews

What Happens:

• Evaluator interviews child alone
• Age-appropriate format
• Multiple sessions sometimes
• Play-based for young children
• Discussion with older children/teens

What Evaluator Assesses:

• Child’s adjustment and wellbeing
• Relationship with each parent
• Child’s feelings and preferences (if age appropriate)
• Signs of anxiety, depression, stress
• Developmental appropriateness
• Any coaching or alienation
• Understanding of custody situation

Topics Discussed:

• Daily life and routines
• Relationships with parents
• Relationships with siblings
• School and friends
• Activities and interests
• Feelings about parents’ separation
• What they like about each parent’s home
• Any worries or concerns

Parents NOT Present: Child interviewed privately

Step 6: Home Visits

What Happens:

• Evaluator visits each parent’s home
• Unannounced or scheduled (depends on evaluator)
• Usually 1-2 hours
• May observe parent-child interaction
• May interview child in home setting

What Evaluator Looks For:

Physical Environment:

• ✓ Cleanliness and safety
• ✓ Adequate space
• ✓ Child has bed/sleeping area
• ✓ Age-appropriate toys/books
• ✓ Food in home
• ✓ Safe neighborhood
• ✗ Hazards (exposed wiring, mold, structural issues)
• ✗ Weapons unsecured
• ✗ Drug paraphernalia
• ✗ Extreme clutter/hoarding

Parent-Child Interaction:

• Warmth and affection
• Appropriate boundaries
• Child’s comfort level
• Parent’s attentiveness
• Quality of engagement
• Discipline style

Child’s Adjustment:

• Familiarity with home
• Has personal belongings
• Comfortable and settled
• Photos of child displayed
• Space reflects child’s presence

Step 7: Collateral Interviews

Who Gets Interviewed: Evaluator interviews people who know family:

• Teachers
• Doctors/therapists
• Childcare providers
• Extended family (grandparents, etc.)
• Neighbors
• Family friends
• Coaches
• Religious leaders

What’s Asked:

• Observations of parent-child relationship
• Each parent’s involvement
• Child’s behavior and adjustment
• Any concerns
• Strengths of each parent

You Provide:

• List of references/collateral contacts
• Release of information signed
• Contact information

Tip: Provide references who have observed your parenting firsthand

Step 8: Document Review

Evaluator Reviews:

• Court filings (petition, response, declarations)
• Police reports
• CPS reports
• Medical records
• School records
• Therapy records
• Prior custody orders
• Text messages/emails (if submitted)
• Photos/videos

What Evaluator Looks For:

• Consistency with interview statements
• Evidence of allegations
• Pattern of behavior
• Historical involvement with child
• Documented concerns

Step 9: Report Writing

Evaluator Prepares:

• Comprehensive written report
• 20-50+ pages typical
• Sections on each parent
• Section on child
• Analysis of custody factors
• Recommendations

Report Contents:

Background:

• Referral source and evaluation questions
• Evaluation procedures used
• People interviewed
• Documents reviewed

Individual Parent Sections:

• Interview findings
• Testing results
• Home visit observations
• Strengths as parent
• Weaknesses/concerns
• Parenting capacity assessment

Child Section:

• Interview findings
• Testing (if done)
• Observations
• Adjustment and wellbeing
• Relationships with parents
• Needs and preferences

Collateral Information:

• Summary of collateral interviews
• School/medical records
• Other relevant documents

Analysis:

• Application of state custody factors
• Discussion of key issues
• Risk/protective factors
• Best interest analysis

Recommendations:

• Legal custody recommendation
• Physical custody recommendation
• Specific parenting schedule
• Conditions/restrictions (if any)
• Therapy recommendations
• Reunification plan (if alienation)
• Substance abuse monitoring (if issue)
• Other relevant recommendations

Step 10: Report Release

• Report provided to court
• Copies to both parents and attorneys
• Filed as evidence
• Becomes part of court record
• Can be introduced at trial

Timeline: 2-4 weeks after completing evaluation

After the Evaluation Report:

Possible Outcomes:

1. Report Favors You

• Strengthens your position
• May lead to settlement on your terms
• Powerful evidence at trial
• Other parent may agree rather than fight

2. Report Favors Other Parent

• Weakens your position
• May need to reconsider requests
• Can still present other evidence
• Can cross-examine evaluator

3. Report is Mixed

• Some findings favor each parent
• Recommendations may be compromise
• Both parties have ammunition
• Case likely still goes to trial

4. Report is Flawed

• You disagree with findings/recommendations
• Can challenge through expert witness
• Can file objections
• Can cross-examine evaluator at trial

Challenging the Evaluation:

If you disagree with report:

Options:

1. Cross-Examine Evaluator:
   • Call evaluator as witness at trial
   • Question methods and conclusions
   • Point out inconsistencies
   • Challenge bias
2. Hire Rebuttal Expert:
   • Another psychologist reviews evaluation
   • Testifies to flaws or disagreements
   • Offers alternative opinions
   • Expensive ($3,000-$10,000+)
3. Present Contrary Evidence:
   • Your own evidence contradicting findings
   • Witnesses with different observations
   • Documents evaluator didn’t consider

Evaluation Impact:

How Much Weight?

• Judges give significant weight to evaluations
• Evaluator is court’s expert
• But NOT binding on judge
• Judge can disagree with recommendations
• Must explain if deviating significantly

Statistics:

• Courts follow evaluator recommendations 80-90% of time
• Harder to win if evaluation goes against you
• But not impossible – can still present case

Cost Allocation:

Who Pays:

• Court orders payment split
• Often 50/50
• Sometimes based on income ratio
• Rarely one party pays all
• Must pay to proceed

If Can’t Afford:

• Request court-appointed evaluator (may have waitlist)
• Request payment plan
• Some evaluators offer sliding scale
• May need to borrow money or use credit

Tips for Success:

✓ Cooperate Fully:

• Respond promptly to evaluator
• Complete all requested tasks
• Attend all appointments
• Be punctual

✓ Be Honest:

• Don’t minimize your issues
• Don’t exaggerate other parent’s issues
• Evaluator will fact-check

✓ Focus on Child:

• Emphasize child’s needs
• Show how you meet those needs
• Demonstrate child-focused thinking

✓ Be Professional:

• Dress appropriately
• Speak respectfully
• Control emotions
• Follow evaluator’s instructions

✓ Prepare Your Home:

• Clean and organized
• Safe and child-appropriate
• Evidence of child’s presence
• Not staged but presentable

✓ Prep Your References:

• Let them know evaluator may call
• Brief them on what to expect
• Choose people who’ve observed your parenting

✗ Don’t:

• Coach your child
• Bad-mouth evaluator
• Be hostile or defensive
• Try to manipulate process
• Withhold information
• Miss appointments

Stage 9: Mediation and Settlement

Resolving Without Trial

Even in contested cases, most custody disputes settle before trial. Continued settlement efforts occur throughout the case.

Why Settle?

Benefits of Settlement:

✓ Control the Outcome:

• You and other parent decide (not judge)
• Can create custom arrangements
• More flexibility than court order

✓ Faster Resolution:

• Settle in weeks/months vs. waiting for trial
• Immediate finality
• Move forward sooner

✓ Less Expensive:

• Avoid trial preparation costs
• No expert witnesses needed
• Minimal attorney fees
• Save $10,000-$30,000+

✓ Less Stressful:

• No trial testimony
• Child doesn’t testify
• Private (not public courtroom)
• Less combative

✓ Better Co-Parenting Relationship:

• Collaborative process builds cooperation
• Less animosity than trial
• Better foundation for future co-parenting
• Shows children parents can work together

✓ Predictable:

• Know exact outcome
• No risk of trial loss
• No surprises

When Settlement Happens:

Settlement Possible at Any Stage:

Early Settlement (Best):

• Before significant attorney fees
• After initial response
• Through early mediation
• When both parents reasonable

Mid-Case Settlement:

• After discovery
• After custody evaluation
• When evidence clarifies likely outcome
• When costs mounting

Late Settlement (Common):

• Days before trial
• “Courthouse steps” settlement
• After seeing trial preparation
• When reality of trial sets in

Even During Trial:

• Between days of testimony
• During breaks
• After some evidence presented
• When likely outcome becomes clear

Settlement Methods:

1. Direct Negotiation

Between Attorneys:

• Attorneys communicate directly
• Exchange settlement proposals
• Negotiate terms
• Client approval at each step

Pros:

• No additional cost
• Can happen quickly
• Attorneys know case well

Cons:

• Requires cooperative attorneys
• May stall if impasse
• High emotions can interfere

2. Mediation (Again)

Return to Mediation:

• Try again even if failed before
• More information now available
• Parties more realistic after discovery
• Evaluation results inform discussion

Court-Ordered Settlement Conference:

• Judge or settlement officer facilitates
• Last attempt before trial
• Judge may give tentative ruling
• Strong incentive to settle

3. Settlement Conference

What It Is: Formal meeting with attorneys, parties, and sometimes judge or referee

Process:

• Each side presents settlement position
• Facilitator evaluates strengths/weaknesses
• Reality check on trial outcome
• Facilitates negotiation
• Drafts agreement if successful

Usually Mandatory: 2-4 weeks before trial

4. Collaborative Law

If started this way:

• Ongoing collaboration
• Series of four-way meetings
• Specialists involved as needed
• Agreement to settle without court

What Gets Negotiated:

Settlement Agreement Must Address:

Legal Custody:

• Joint or sole
• If joint, decision-making process
• Tie-breaker provisions
• Areas of authority if split

Physical Custody:

• Primary residence
• Percentage of time with each parent
• Specific schedule

Parenting Time Schedule:

• Regular schedule (weekdays/weekends)
• Holiday schedule (detailed rotation)
• Vacation time (how much, notice required)
• School breaks
• Summer schedule

Exchange Details:

• Locations
• Times
• Transportation responsibility
• Meet halfway or other arrangement

Communication:

• Phone/video calls with child
• Frequency and duration
• Technology used
• Parameters (reasonable hours, child initiates, etc.)

Decision-Making:

• Medical: routine vs. emergency
• Educational: enrollment, IEP, activities
• Religious: practices and education
• Extracurricular: enrollment, limits on number

Information Sharing:

• School information access
• Medical records access
• Activity schedules
• Direct contact with providers

Right of First Refusal:

• If care needed beyond X hours, other parent offered first
• Or no provision

Dispute Resolution:

• Return to mediation
• Binding arbitration
• Court intervention

Relocation:

• Notice requirements
• Distance limitations
• Objection process

Child Support:

• Amount (per state guidelines)
• Payment method
• Additional expenses (split 50/50, proportional, or allocated)
• Medical insurance
• Unreimbursed medical
• Childcare
• Extracurriculars

Other Provisions:

• Therapy for child
• Parent coordination
• Substance abuse testing
• Supervised visitation (if concern)
• Review date (revisit arrangement)

Negotiation Strategy:

Preparing for Settlement:

Know Your Goals:

• ✓ Prioritize: Most important to least
• ✓ Identify: Must-haves vs. negotiable
• ✓ Consider: What matters to other parent
• ✓ Think creatively: Non-obvious solutions

Realistic Assessment:

• What would judge likely order?
• What does evidence support?
• How strong is your case?
• What are risks of trial?

Evaluate Costs:

• Trial expenses still to come
• Attorney fees through verdict
• Expert witness fees
• Lost wages for trial days
• Emotional cost of trial

Consider Child’s Input:

• What does child want? (if age-appropriate)
• What schedule works for child?
• Child’s activities and commitments
• Child’s relationships with each parent

Negotiation Tips:

✓ Do:

• Start with areas of agreement
• Focus on child’s interests
• Think long-term (years, not weeks)
• Be flexible on less important issues
• Consider creative solutions
• Put proposals in writing
• Take breaks if getting heated
• Consult with attorney before agreeing
• Get agreement in writing immediately

✗ Don’t:

• Draw hard lines on everything
• Use negotiation to punish other parent
• Reject proposals without consideration
• Let ego drive decisions
• Agree under pressure
• Sign anything on the spot without review
• Walk away from reasonable offer
• Let perfect be enemy of good

Evaluating Settlement Offers:

Questions to Ask:

1. Is this better than likely trial outcome?
   • What would judge probably order?
   • Is offer better or worse?
   • Worth risk of trial?
2. Can I live with this long-term?
   • Workable schedule?
   • Sustainable arrangements?
   • Fair and reasonable?
3. Is child’s best interest served?
   • Meets child’s needs?
   • Appropriate for age/stage?
   • Maintains important relationships?
4. What will trial cost in money and stress?
   • Additional attorney fees: $10,000-$30,000+
   • Expert witnesses
   • Time off work
   • Emotional toll
   • Impact on children
   • Uncertainty of outcome
5. What are risks of going to trial?
   • Could get less than this offer
   • Judge has wide discretion
   • Trial surprises
   • Unpredictable witnesses
   • Bad day for you or your attorney
   • Appeal possibilities

Common Settlement Structures:

Compromise Arrangements:

Example 1: “You get legal, I get physical”

• Joint legal custody (both decide together)
• One parent has primary physical custody
• Other parent has regular visitation (every other weekend, 1 weeknight)
• Balances decision-making with stability

Example 2: “Split the difference”

• You wanted sole; they wanted 50/50
• Settle on 60/40 or 70/30 split
• More than standard visitation, less than equal time

Example 3: “Phase-in schedule”

• Start with one arrangement
• Gradually increase time over 6-12 months
• Build to final schedule
• Allows adjustment period

Example 4: “Divided decision-making”

• Each parent has final say in certain areas
• Example: Mom decides education, Dad decides medical
• Both decide religion and extracurriculars together
• Works if parents can’t agree but trust each other’s judgment in specific areas

Example 5: “Geographic restriction for X years”

• One parent has primary custody
• Both agree not to relocate beyond X miles for Y years
• Protects stability while child young
• Revisit when child older

Memorializing the Agreement:

Once you’ve agreed:

1. Draft Agreement:

• Attorney drafts settlement agreement
• Detailed document covering all terms
• Specific and enforceable language
• Both parties review

2. Sign Agreement:

• Both parents sign
• Attorneys sign (in some states)
• Notarized
• Becomes binding contract

3. Submit to Court:

• File settlement agreement with court
• Request hearing for approval
• Brief “prove-up” hearing
• Judge reviews for child’s best interest

4. Court Approval:

• Hearing scheduled (often quick)
• Both parents appear
• Judge asks questions
• If satisfied, signs order
• Agreement becomes court order

5. Final Order Entered:

• Legally enforceable custody order
• Same force as if judge decided
• Violations subject to contempt
• Can be modified if circumstances change (per state standard)

When NOT to Settle:

Don’t settle if:

✗ Agreement is Unsafe:

• Child’s safety compromised
• Parent has untreated substance abuse
• Domestic violence risk
• Parent is neglectful

✗ Coerced or Under Duress:

• Pressured to agree
• Threats made
• Not given time to consider
• Rushed or forced

✗ Fundamentally Unfair:

• Drastically less than likely court outcome
• Completely one-sided
• Against child’s interests
• You’ll violate it immediately

✗ Based on False Information:

• Other parent lied about facts
• Hidden information
• Fraud or misrepresentation

✗ You Don’t Understand It:

• Terms are confusing
• Haven’t reviewed with attorney
• Don’t know what you’re agreeing to

In these cases, proceed to trial.

“Best Interest” Standard Still Applies:

Judge won’t approve if:

• Agreement harms child
• Against public policy
• Clearly unfair to child
• Parents don’t understand agreement
• Evidence of coercion

Judge will ask:

• Do you understand agreement?
• Did you enter voluntarily?
• Is this in child’s best interest?
• Have you read entire agreement?
• Any questions or concerns?

Stage 10: Pre trial Preparation

Getting Ready for Custody Trial

If settlement fails, you proceed to trial. Thorough preparation is essential.

Timeline Before Trial:

8-12 Weeks Before:

• Final settlement conference
• Discovery cutoff passes
• Organize all evidence

6-8 Weeks Before:

• File trial briefs/pre-trial statements
• Exchange exhibit lists
• Exchange witness lists
• Identify expert witnesses

4-6 Weeks Before:

• Final settlement discussions
• Prepare witnesses
• Create trial binders
• Finalize strategy

2-4 Weeks Before:

• File motions in limine (exclude evidence)
• Final witness prep
• Organize exhibits
• Review testimony plan

1 Week Before:

• Final prep sessions with attorney
• Review your testimony
• Mental preparation
• Arrange childcare/work time off

Pre-Trial Filings:

1. Trial Brief

What It Is: Written argument to judge outlining your case

Contents:

• Statement of facts
• Legal standards applicable
• Application of law to facts
• Evidence supporting your position
• Why you should prevail
• Requested custody orders

Purpose:

• Educates judge before trial
• Frames issues your way
• Highlights strong evidence
• Legal argument supporting requests

Length: 10-30 pages typical

2. Witness List

Must Identify:

• Name of each witness
• What they’ll testify about
• Contact information
• Expert vs. lay witness
• Time estimate for testimony

Common Witnesses:

You Will Call:

• Yourself (always)
• Character witnesses (people who’ve observed your parenting)
• Teachers
• Doctors/therapists
• Childcare providers
• Family members
• Neighbors/friends
• Expert witnesses (custody evaluator, psychologists, etc.)

Other Parent Will Call:

• Themselves (always)
• Their own witnesses
• May call you (adverse witness)
• May call your witnesses

3. Exhibit List

Must Identify:

• Each document you’ll introduce
• Number or letter designation
• Brief description

Common Exhibits:

Documents:

• Pleadings (petition, response, declarations)
• Custody evaluation report
• Medical records
• School records
• Police reports
• Text messages/emails
• Photos
• Calendar/schedules
• Financial documents
• Prior court orders

Preparation:

• Number each exhibit
• Multiple copies (judge, other attorney, witness, you)
• Organized in binders
• Tabs for easy reference

4. Motions in Limine

What They Are: Pre-trial motions to exclude evidence or testimony

Common Motions:

• Exclude hearsay
• Exclude irrelevant evidence
• Exclude unduly prejudicial evidence
• Exclude evidence obtained improperly
• Limit testimony scope

Examples:

• “Motion to exclude evidence of Petitioner’s relationship from 10 years ago”
• “Motion to exclude testimony about parties’ financial disputes (not custody-related)”
• “Motion to exclude Respondent’s attorney fees (separate issue)”

Strategy:

• Limit damaging evidence
• Streamline trial
• Protect from prejudice

Preparing Your Testimony:

Direct Examination (Your Attorney Questions You)

Your attorney will ask you about:

Background:

• Who you are
• Your education/employment
• Your living situation
• Your history with child

Your Relationship with Child:

• Daily routines
• Activities together
• Emotional bond
• How you meet child’s needs
• Specific examples of involvement

Your Parenting:

• Discipline approach
• Educational involvement
• Medical care
• Emotional support
• Values you teach

Concerns About Other Parent:

• Specific incidents
• Documented problems
• Impact on child
• Why your plan is better

Your Proposed Plan:

• Specific custody requests
• Why it serves child’s best interest
• How you’ll facilitate relationship with other parent
• Your flexibility and cooperation

Testimony Preparation Tips:

✓ Do:

• Review your declarations before trial
• Practice with your attorney
• Prepare for difficult questions
• Organize thoughts by topic
• Bring notes if helpful (ask attorney first)
• Dress professionally
• Speak clearly and slowly
• Look at attorney when they ask question
• Look at judge when answering
• Pause before answering
• Tell the truth
• Say “I don’t know” or “I don’t recall” if true
• Stay calm and composed
• Give specific examples
• Use facts, not opinions
• Admit mistakes or weaknesses honestly

✗ Don’t:

• Memorize answers word-for-word (sounds rehearsed)
• Guess or speculate
• Volunteer information beyond question
• Get defensive or argumentative
• Show anger toward other parent
• Cry excessively (some emotion okay)
• Interrupt attorney or judge
• Look at your attorney for help with every answer
• Make faces at other parent’s testimony
• Sigh, roll eyes, shake head
• Argue with opposing attorney
• Speak to other parent directly
• Bring child to courthouse

Preparing for Cross-Examination:

Other Parent’s Attorney Will:

• Challenge your testimony
• Highlight weaknesses
• Question your credibility
• Point out contradictions
• Make you look bad

Common Cross-Examination Tactics:

1. Impeachment with Prior Statements: “Isn’t it true you said in your declaration that [X]?” “But today you testified [Y]?”

Defense:

• Be consistent with prior statements
• If inconsistent, explain why
• Don’t lie about what you said before

2. Yes/No Questions: “You were arrested in 2015, yes or no?” “You spanked your child, yes or no?”

Defense:

• Answer yes or no if you can
• If needs explanation, say “I can’t answer yes or no without explanation”
• Judge may allow explanation

3. Leading Questions: “Isn’t it true that…” “You would agree that…”

Defense:

• Listen carefully to full question
• Don’t feel pressured to agree
• Disagree if statement is false

4. Rapid-Fire Questions: Quick succession of questions to confuse or overwhelm

Defense:

• Take your time
• Pause before answering each
• Ask for question to be repeated if needed

5. Taking Statements Out of Context: Using part of your statement to distort meaning

Defense:

• Provide context when you answer
• Clarify if misrepresented

6. Emotional Buttons: Questions designed to make you angry or upset

Defense:

• Stay calm
• Take breath before answering
• Don’t take bait
• Remain composed

Cross-Examination Preparation:

With Your Attorney:

• Practice difficult questions
• Prepare answers to weak points
• Learn to pause and think
• Practice staying calm
• Role-play aggressive questioning

Your Goals on Cross:

• ✓ Stay credible
• ✓ Don’t hurt your case
• ✓ Maintain composure
• ✓ Admit what you must
• ✓ Clarify mischaracterizations
• ✗ Don’t “win” cross (not possible)
• ✗ Don’t argue with attorney
• ✗ Don’t lose temper

Preparing Witnesses:

For Each Witness:

1. Meet with Witness:

• Explain what they’ll be asked
• Discuss what they’ve observed
• Review relevant dates/events
• Address any concerns

2. Prep on Process:

• Explain courtroom layout
• Swearing in process
• Direct vs. cross examination
• How to answer questions

3. Prep on Substance:

• What they’ll testify about
• Relevant observations
• Specific examples
• Timeline of events

4. General Tips:

• Tell the truth
• Answer question asked
• Don’t volunteer extra information
• “I don’t know” is fine
• Speak clearly
• Look at attorney/judge
• Dress appropriately
• Be professional

Trial Notebooks/Binders:

Organize Everything:

Binder 1: Pleadings & Orders

• Petition
• Response
• Declarations
• Temporary orders
• Other relevant pleadings

Binder 2: Exhibits

• All exhibits tabbed
• Multiple copies
• Index at front

Binder 3: Witness Information

• Witness list
• Notes on each witness
• Questions to ask
• Anticipated testimony

Binder 4: Legal Research

• Relevant statutes
• Case law
• Trial brief
• Legal arguments

Binder 5: Notes

• Trial outline
• Your testimony outline
• Important points to make
• Questions for other parent

Logistics Before Trial:

Arrange:

• ☐ Childcare during trial (may last several days)
• ☐ Time off work (full days needed)
• ☐ Transportation to courthouse
• ☐ Professional attire cleaned/ready
• ☐ Courthouse location and parking
• ☐ Courtroom number
• ☐ Time to arrive (30 minutes early)

Bring to Trial:

• ☐ Trial binders
• ☐ Notepad and pen
• ☐ Tissues
• ☐ Phone (silenced) for breaks only
• ☐ Snacks/water for breaks
• ☐ Medication if needed
• ☐ Evidence organized
• ☐ Witness contact info

Don’t Bring:

• ✗ Children
• ✗ Large entourage of supporters
• ✗ Weapons (even legal ones)
• ✗ Recording devices

Mental Preparation:

Expect:

• Trial is stressful
• Other parent will say bad things about you
• You’ll hear things that upset you
• Process is adversarial
• Judge may seem harsh at times
• Outcome is uncertain

Prepare Yourself:

• Get good sleep before trial
• Eat breakfast
• Arrive early
• Deep breathing exercises
• Support person for moral support (outside courtroom)
• Remember your goal: child’s wellbeing
• Focus on presenting your best case
• Let attorney handle legal strategy
• Trust the process

Final Settlement Opportunity:

Even at courthouse:

• Parties often settle “on courthouse steps”
• Before judge takes bench
• During breaks
• Between trial days
• After seeing how trial is going

Consider settling if:

• Trial going poorly for you
• Other parent’s witnesses are strong
• Your evidence isn’t as compelling as hoped
• Reasonable offer on table
• Can still control outcome

Up until final verdict, settlement possible.

Stage 11: The Custody Trial

What Happens at Trial

If no settlement, your case proceeds to trial where a judge determines custody.

Trial Format:

Day of Trial:

Before Court Starts:

Arrival:

• Arrive 30 minutes early
• Check in with clerk
• Meet with your attorney
• Review last-minute details
• Use restroom
• Turn off phone

Courthouse Security:

• Go through metal detectors
• Empty pockets
• Remove belt if needed
• Bag search

Outside Courtroom:

• Wait in hallway
• Clerk calls case
• Enter when instructed

Trial Begins:

1. Case is Called:

• Bailiff announces case
• Parties and attorneys stand
• Approach counsel tables
• Judge takes bench

2. Preliminary Matters:

• Judge confirms parties present
• Addresses pending motions
• Reviews exhibits and witness lists
• Discusses housekeeping (breaks, schedule)
• Asks about settlement possibility

3. Opening Statements:

Your Attorney Goes First (you’re petitioner):

• Outlines your case
• Summarizes evidence you’ll present
• Explains what you’re requesting and why
• Tells your story
• 10-30 minutes

Other Parent’s Attorney:

• Outlines their case
• Summarizes their evidence
• Explains their position
• Counter-narrative
• 10-30 minutes

You do nothing during opening statements – attorneys speak

4. Petitioner’s Case (YOU):

You present your evidence first

Process:

Your Attorney Calls Witnesses:

• Calls witnesses one by one
• Each witness testifies

Typical Order:

1. You (usually first)
   • Direct examination by your attorney
   • Cross-examination by other attorney
   • Redirect (your attorney clarifies)
   • May last 1-4+ hours
2. Your Other Witnesses
   • Character witnesses
   • Teachers, doctors, therapists
   • Family members
   • Friends who’ve observed parenting
   • Each testifies, then cross-examined
3. Expert Witnesses (if any)
   • Custody evaluator
   • Psychologist
   • Other experts
   • May testify for hours

Introduction of Exhibits:

• Attorney offers exhibit
• Other attorney may object
• Judge rules (admitted or not)
• Exhibit becomes evidence

Your Testimony:

Direct Examination (Your Attorney Questions You):

Typical Topics:

• Background (5-10 minutes)
• Your relationship with child (30-60 minutes)
• Daily routines and involvement (30-45 minutes)
• Meeting child’s needs (20-30 minutes)
• Concerns about other parent (20-40 minutes)
• Your proposed custody plan (15-20 minutes)

Example Questions:

• “Tell the court about your relationship with [child].”
• “Describe a typical school day.”
• “How do you handle discipline?”
• “What are [child’s] favorite activities?”
• “Can you describe [specific incident]?”
• “Why do you believe your custody proposal is in [child’s] best interest?”

How to Testify:

✓ Do:

• Face the judge when answering
• Speak clearly and slowly
• Use complete sentences
• Give specific examples
• “On March 15th, I took child to doctor for fever”
• Not “I always take child to doctor”
• Admit mistakes when appropriate
• Show insight and growth
• Express love for child
• Acknowledge other parent’s positives (if any)

✗ Don’t:

• Look only at your attorney
• Speak too fast
• Use vague generalities
• “I’m a better parent” (not specific)
• “He never does anything” (probably not literally true)
• Attack other parent personally
• Get emotional/cry excessively
• Argue or be defensive
• Interrupt anyone

Cross-Examination (Other Parent’s Attorney Questions You):

Their Goals:

• Undermine your credibility
• Highlight your weaknesses
• Show inconsistencies
• Make you look bad
• Support their client’s case

Techniques They’ll Use:

1. Prior Inconsistent Statements: “In your declaration you said [X], but today you said [Y]. Which is true?”

How to Handle:

• If you misspoke today, correct it
• If declaration was wrong, admit and explain
• If both are true with context, explain
• Don’t lie or get defensive

2. “Yes or No” Questions: “You were fired from your job, yes or no?” “You use marijuana, yes or no?”

How to Handle:

• Answer yes or no if possible
• If truly needs explanation: “I can’t answer that yes or no without explaining”
• Judge may allow brief explanation
• Don’t ramble

3. Rapid Fire: Quick questions one after another

How to Handle:

• Take your time
• Pause between questions
• Don’t feel rushed
• Ask to have question repeated

4. Argumentative/Combative: Attorney may be aggressive

How to Handle:

• Stay calm
• Don’t match their tone
• Remain professional
• Don’t argue back
• Let your attorney object if improper

5. Documents: “I’m showing you Exhibit 15. Is this your signature?”

How to Handle:

• Review document carefully
• Take your time
• Ask to see it up close
• Answer honestly
• If you don’t remember, say so

Redirect Examination (Your Attorney Questions Again):

Purpose:

• Clarify issues from cross
• Rehabilitate credibility
• Explain anything mischaracterized
• Limited to topics raised on cross

Usually brief (10-20 minutes)

5. Respondent’s Case (OTHER PARENT):

After your case finishes, other parent presents their case.

Same Process:

1. Other parent testifies first
2. Their attorney does direct examination
3. Your attorney cross-examines
4. Their other witnesses testify
5. Their exhibits introduced

During Other Parent’s Case:

✓ Do:

• Listen carefully
• Take notes
• Pass notes to your attorney about inaccuracies
• Remain calm and composed
• Professional demeanor

✗ Don’t:

• React visibly (shaking head, sighing, scoffing)
• Make comments
• Try to talk to other parent
• Interrupt testimony
• Show anger or frustration
• Leave courtroom without permission

Your Attorney Will:

• Object to improper testimony
• Cross-examine their witnesses
• Challenge their exhibits
• Point out inconsistencies
• Present counter-arguments

6. Rebuttal (If Needed):

You May Present:

• Evidence responding to their case
• Witnesses countering their witnesses
• Documents disproving their claims

Limited in Scope:

• Only to rebut their evidence
• Can’t introduce new main points
• Judge has discretion

7. Closing Arguments:

After all evidence:

Your Attorney:

• Summarizes evidence presented
• Argues why it supports your position
• Applies law to facts
• Explains why judge should rule for you
• 20-45 minutes

Other Parent’s Attorney:

• Summarizes their evidence
• Argues their position
• Refutes your arguments
• 20-45 minutes

Your Attorney May Have Brief Rebuttal

You do nothing during closing arguments

8. Judge’s Decision:

Options:

Decision from Bench (Sometimes):

• Judge announces decision immediately
• Explains reasoning
• States custody orders
• Usually in simple cases

Take Under Submission (More Common):

• Judge needs time to review
• Consider evidence
• Research law
• Write detailed ruling
• Decision in 2-8 weeks

Trial Length:

Depends on Complexity:

Simple Cases:

• ½ day to 1 day
• Few witnesses
• Limited issues

Moderate Cases:

• 2-3 days
• Multiple witnesses
• Standard complexity

Complex Cases:

• 4-5+ days
• Many witnesses
• Custody evaluation
• Expert witnesses
• Complicated facts

Not Continuous:

• May be spread over weeks
• Court schedule
• Witness availability
• Day 1, then 2 weeks later Day 2, etc.

During Trial Breaks:

Recesses:

• Morning break (15 minutes)
• Lunch (1-2 hours)
• Afternoon break (15 minutes)
• Between trial days

Do:

• Decompress
• Eat and hydrate
• Discuss with attorney
• Review upcoming testimony
• Use restroom

Don’t:

• Talk to witnesses who haven’t testified
• Discuss case in elevator or courthouse hallways
• Post on social media
• Contact other parent
• Leave courthouse without attorney knowing

Courtroom Etiquette:

Always:

• Stand when judge enters/leaves
• Address judge as “Your Honor”
• Wait your turn to speak
• Speak only when testifying or attorney asks
• Dress professionally
• Turn off phone
• No food or drink
• No children in courtroom
• No disruptions

Emotional Management:

Trial is Hard:

• You’ll hear difficult things about yourself
• Other parent will paint negative picture
• You may feel attacked
• Frustrating when can’t respond immediately

Coping:

• Remember it’s adversarial process
• Attorney is doing their job
• Focus on your goal
• Breathe deeply
• Take breaks when needed
• Support person outside courtroom
• Stay professional despite feelings

Stage 12: Final Custody Order

The Judge’s Decision

After trial concludes, the judge issues the final custody order.

The Decision Process:

If Decision from Bench:

Judge Announces:

• Legal custody determination
• Physical custody determination
• Parenting time schedule
• Reasoning (brief)
• Orders attorney to prepare written order

Timeline:

• Same day or end of trial
• Written order prepared in 1-2 weeks
• Submitted to judge for signature
• Both sides review before signature

If Taken Under Submission:

Judge’s Process:

1. Reviews all evidence
   • Testimony transcripts
   • Exhibits
   • Declarations
   • Custody evaluation
   • Legal briefs
2. Applies state custody factors
   • Analyzes each factor
   • Weighs evidence
   • Determines credibility
3. Writes decision
   • Findings of fact
   • Conclusions of law
   • Custody orders
   • 5-30+ pages
4. Issues ruling
   • Filed with court
   • Copies to both parties
   • 2-8 weeks after trial

What the Final Order Contains:

Findings of Fact:

Judge’s factual determinations:

• “Petitioner has been primary caregiver since birth”
• “Respondent completed substance abuse treatment”
• “Child is thriving in current school”
• “Both parents love child and want to be involved”
• “Concerns about Respondent’s girlfriend’s criminal history”

Based on:

• Witness testimony
• Exhibits
• Court observations
• Credibility assessments

Conclusions of Law:

Application of legal standards:

• “The best interests of the child will be served by…”
• “Pursuant to [state statute], the court finds…”
• “Joint legal custody is appropriate because…”

Custody Orders:

Specific orders including:

Legal Custody:

• Joint legal custody, OR
• Sole legal custody to [parent]
• If joint: decision-making process specified
• Tie-breaker provisions

Physical Custody:

• Primary physical custody to [parent], OR
• Joint physical custody
• Percentage breakdown

Parenting Time Schedule:

Regular Schedule:

Example:
Mother: Mondays and Tuesdays from end of school until 
        Wednesday 9:00am, and alternate weekends from 
        Friday 6:00pm until Sunday 6:00pm

Father: Wednesdays from 9:00am until Friday 6:00pm,
        and alternate weekends from Friday 6:00pm until 
        Sunday 6:00pm

Holiday Schedule:

• Detailed rotation
• Specific times
• Overrides regular schedule

Vacation:

• Each parent gets X weeks
• Notice requirement
• Blackout dates (if any)

Summer:

• Modified schedule or same as school year
• Extended time provisions

Exchange Provisions:

• Specific locations
• Times
• Transportation responsibilities
• Meet halfway or other

Communication:

• Phone/video calls
• Frequency
• Duration
• Initiation

Decision-Making Authority:

• Medical decisions
• Educational decisions
• Religious decisions
• Extracurricular activities

Information Access:

• School records
• Medical records
• Activity schedules
• Direct provider contact

Other Provisions:

• Right of first refusal
• Relocation restrictions
• Therapy requirements
• Substance testing (if ordered)
• Supervised visitation (if ordered)
• Review date (if applicable)

Child Support:

Order Includes:

• Monthly support amount
• Payor and payee
• Payment method
• Start date
• Additional expenses allocation
• Health insurance responsibility
• Unreimbursed medical expenses
• Childcare expenses
• Extracurricular expenses

Order Effective Date:

• Usually upon filing
• Sometimes specifies future date
• Supersedes temporary orders
• Legally binding immediately

Receiving the Order:

Once filed:

• Court clerk files stamped copy
• Copies mailed/emailed to both parties
• Becomes part of permanent record
• Public record (with some info redacted)

You Should:

• Read entire order carefully
• Highlight key provisions
• Calendar all dates and times
• Understand every term
• Ask attorney about unclear portions
• Keep multiple copies
• Provide copy to school, childcare, etc.

If You’re Satisfied:

If You’re Dissatisfied:

You Have Options:

1. Motion for Reconsideration

What It Is: Request that same judge reconsider decision

Grounds:

• Judge made factual error
• Judge overlooked evidence
• Judge misapplied law
• New evidence discovered

Deadline:

• Usually 10-30 days from order
• Varies by state
• Very short window

Standard:

• High burden
• Rarely granted
• Must show clear error

Success Rate: Low (10-20%)

2. Appeal

What It Is: Higher court reviews trial judge’s decision for legal errors

Grounds:

• Judge made legal error
• Abused discretion
• Insufficient evidence
• Procedural errors

Cannot:

• Re-argue facts
• Introduce new evidence
• Get new trial automatically

Process:

1. Notice of appeal filed (30-60 days)
2. Appellate attorney needed
3. Transcripts ordered ($1,000-$5,000+)
4. Appellate briefs filed
5. Oral arguments (sometimes)
6. Appellate court decision (6-18 months)

Possible Outcomes:

• Affirm: Original order stands
• Reverse: Order overturned, different outcome
• Remand: Send back to trial court for specific action
• Modify: Change certain provisions

Cost: $10,000-$50,000+ Success Rate: ~10-20% Timeline: 1-2 years

3. Accept and Move Forward

Most Common Response:

• Accept judge’s decision
• Follow order
• Make best of situation
• Focus on co-parenting
• Work within framework
• Consider modification later if circumstances change

Remember:

• Judge heard all evidence
• Made determination based on law
• Knows child’s best interests standard
• Appealing is expensive and uncertain
• Better to focus energy on successful co-parenting

Understanding Judge’s Reasoning:

Judges consider:

• All testimony and evidence
• Credibility of witnesses
• State’s custody factors
• Child’s best interests
• Practical logistics
• Stability for child

Judges balance:

• Both parents’ rights
• Child’s needs
• Safety concerns
• Maintaining relationships
• Stability vs. shared parenting

Even if you disagree:

• Judge had more information than you realize
• Judge is trained professional
• Judge sees many custody cases
• Judge has no personal stake
• Judge applied legal standards

After The Order: Enforcement And Modification

Living with the Custody Order

Following the Order:

Critical Rules:

✓ Follow Exactly:

• Adhere to schedule precisely
• Exchange at specified times/places
• Follow all provisions
• Don’t deviate without agreement or court permission

✓ Document Everything:

• Keep detailed calendar
• Save all communications
• Note any violations by other parent
• Keep expense records

✓ Communicate About Child:

• Share important information
• Respond to messages timely
• Use appropriate methods
• Focus on child’s needs

Modifications:

If circumstances change:

• Other parent gets remarried
• You need to relocate
• Child’s needs change
• Parenting time not working

See modification process (covered earlier in State Laws section)

Enforcement:

If other parent violates order:

Options:

1. Document and Discuss:
   • Record violation
   • Talk to other parent
   • Try to resolve
2. Mediation:
   • Return to mediator
   • Work out issues
3. File Motion for Contempt:
   • Court hearing
   • Other parent must explain violations
   • Possible sanctions:
     • Make-up time
     • Attorney fees
     • Fine
     • Modified custody
     • Jail (rare, extreme violations)

Court Etiquette and Best Practices

Professional Behavior in Court

Dress Code:

Appropriate:

• ✓ Business attire
• ✓ Suit or dress slacks and button-down
• ✓ Modest dress or skirt (knee-length)
• ✓ Closed-toe shoes
• ✓ Professional appearance
• ✓ Neat and clean
• ✓ Minimal jewelry

Inappropriate:

• ✗ Jeans
• ✗ T-shirts
• ✗ Shorts
• ✗ Tank tops
• ✗ Revealing clothing
• ✗ Flip-flops or sneakers
• ✗ Hats or sunglasses inside
• ✗ Wrinkled or dirty clothes

Behavior:

Do:

• ✓ Arrive early
• ✓ Turn off phone
• ✓ Stand when judge enters/leaves
• ✓ Address judge as “Your Honor”
• ✓ Speak only when asked
• ✓ Be respectful to everyone
• ✓ Stay calm
• ✓ Listen carefully

Don’t:

• ✗ Interrupt anyone
• ✗ Speak directly to other parent
• ✗ Make comments
• ✗ Show emotion excessively
• ✗ Chew gum
• ✗ Bring food or drink
• ✗ Bring children
• ✗ Talk during proceedings

Common Mistakes To Avoid

Pitfalls That Hurt Custody Cases

Top Mistakes:

1. Social Media Posts

• ✗ Posting about case
• ✗ Disparaging other parent
• ✗ Pictures of partying
• ✗ Anything that shows poor judgment

2. Violating Temporary Orders

• ✗ Withholding visitation
• ✗ Being late for exchanges
• ✗ Refusing to communicate

3. Involving Children

• ✗ Asking child to choose
• ✗ Speaking badly of other parent to child
• ✗ Using child as messenger
• ✗ Interrogating child after visits

4. Poor Communication

• ✗ Hostile emails/texts
• ✗ Refusing to communicate
• ✗ Excessive communication
• ✗ Using profanity

5. Dishonesty

• ✗ Lying about anything
• ✗ Hiding information
• ✗ Exaggerating
• ✗ Minimizing problems

6. Lack of Preparation

• ✗ Not organized
• ✗ Missing documents
• ✗ Unprepared witnesses
• ✗ Don’t know what to say

7. Emotion Over Facts

• ✗ Getting too emotional
• ✗ Focusing on hurts vs. child
• ✗ Making it about “winning”
• ✗ Revenge mentality

8. Alienation Behaviors

• ✗ Interfering with other parent’s time
• ✗ Bad-mouthing other parent
• ✗ Preventing communication
• ✗ Making child choose sides

Get Legal Help With Your Case

Why Attorney Representation Matters

The custody court process is complex, stressful, and has lasting implications for you and your children. An experienced family law attorney can:

Most parents find that attorney representation pays for itself by achieving better outcomes and avoiding mistakes.

Frequently Asked Questions